Do You Struggle to Ask for Help: How Therapy Can Help You Find Your Voice
Written By Jen Bennethum
You don’t always have to do everything yourself.
Do you ever say things like “I will just do it myself” or “I don’t need your help”? Maybe you worry about being a burden or don’t want people to have to be inconvenienced because of you. Maybe you’re not even sure what you need. Maybe asking feels selfish, or even dangerous. It’s possible you had asked when you were younger and were met with criticism, invalidation or shame. Whatever your reasons, YOU ARE ALLOWED to have needs, and YOU ARE ALLOWED to ask for them. Therapy is a safe and judgement free place to learn how to ask and to practice asking possibly while working on your trauma.
“Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They're compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.”
― Brené Brown, Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution
Why It Feels So Hard
Many of us learned early on—through family dynamics, trauma, or culture—that our needs weren’t important. We may have been told to “toughen up,” “not rock the boat,” “be grateful for what we have,” or “you’re fine".”
Over time, those messages can become internal rules/core values that might look like self-talk in your head saying…”“I shouldn’t need anything from anyone,” “If I ask, I’ll be rejected,” or “Other people’s comfort matters more than mine.”
If any of those feel familiar, therapy can help you rewrite those old rules.
Start by Noticing
Before you can ask, you have to know what you need. And sometimes, that’s the hardest part.
Here’s a practice you can try in your daily life or bring to your sessions:
Pause when you feel irritated, anxious, or distant from someone.
Ask yourself: What do I wish they would know or do right now?
Then ask: What do I need? Comfort? Space? Reassurance? Clarity? Respect?
Simply noticing your need is a powerful start.
Use Therapy as a Rehearsal Space
We don’t need to get it perfect out in the world, but practicing in therapy is a safe place to start.
Try telling your therapist: “I’m not sure how to say this, but I think I need…”, “Can we talk about how to bring this up with my partner?”, “It’s hard for me to ask, but I want to practice here.”
Your therapy space is built for this. It’s a place to mess up, try again, and build confidence. No judgment, just practice.
The First Ask Is the Hardest
Asking for what you need can feel terrifying. You might fear rejection, judgment, or being seen as “too much.” That’s okay.
The first ask might come out shaky. You might second-guess it. You might want to take it back.
But each time you practice, you teach your brain a new story: My needs are real. I can speak up. I can survive the discomfort—and even feel proud of myself afterward.
You’re Already Doing It
If you’re reading this while in therapy, you’re already doing brave work. You’re showing up. You’re getting curious about yourself. That is asking for something different in your life. And it matters.
You don’t have to be fluent in self-advocacy today. But you can take one step. One small ask. One moment of truth. Then another.
You’re not too much. Your needs aren’t a burden. And you’re allowed to take up space in your own story. We are here to help.
